This is kinda controversial. Not to anyone else – just to me. It’s hard to pick my favorite spoken word pieces of the last decade because the thing that makes me love them is so personal. It might be the presentation, the wordplay, the structuring – or it could be a lot harder to pin down, like the mood I was in when I first heard it, the way it seemed to complete an incomplete thought I was having, or maybe it became more powerful the more I thought back to it.

Also, I know I did twelve and not the customary ten, but there’s no way I can possibly take any of these off. It was hard enough narrowing it down this far. I’ve included the approximate year I first heard the poem and my favorite line from each piece, but these are coming straight from memory – so don’t quote me on them.

12. “Listen Asshole” – Yellow Rage (2000)
It feels like a lifetime ago. When I first moved to DC right after college, I knew close to nobody – and I had no aspirations to take on spoken word as anything more than just something I did at bars every now and then, since I lived right off Black Broadway and there was no shortage of open mics a couple blocks from my apartment. But pretty soon I found myself part of a duo called re: verse, and we were one of three main API spoken word groups out that way. The other two were Feedback (who I’ll talk about later) from New York and Yellow Rage from Philly.

I don’t really know how we all connected, but folks from all three cities met up in 215 to do a little East Coast retreat and this was the first time I hear them do this ridiculous piece. It was like, yo, who’s gonna stop us now?

Favorite Line: I’m gonna fight with alla my might against motherfuckers who think I’m a white…girl. Watch my finger unfurrrrl…”

11. “Remembrance” – Taiyo Na (2000)
On to the aforementioned Feedback Poets. Taiyo was the baby of the bunch – so I was shocked when I saw this like 17 year old kid spit this amazing piece at the Asian American Writer’s Workshop open mic called (re)collection. It was the most succinct and touching rendition of a Japanese American history and future through its literature and music, done in a way that I guess I haven’t seen anyone else even attempt. Mas Yamagata backed him up on the bass.

Favorite Line: This ain’t just some Biz Mark shit; these lips are rocking a lost taiko

10. “The Last Words of a Roach, Underfoot” – El Guante (2009)
Dark Horse entry here. Everyone else on this list is someone I probably first met like – well – a long time ago. But I didn’t have the pleasure of sharing a stage with El Guante until this past year, and I have to say man I was astounded. This piece from the point of view of a cockroach made me feel like I should be writing a lot more.

In the hands of a lesser writer, this concept could have been corny. But he went in on it; honestly, it’s transcendent.

Favorite Line: You say…that life can be something greater than survival, but what could be greater than survival?

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I’m listing the best live performances I’ve seen in the Zeroes. It struck me while writing this: I have not seen many live shows aside from my friends’ performances. Ah well.

By the way, i’m not including like theater or sporting events or dance shows and the like. You know what I’m saying? This is for “concert” or things that are basically like concerts.

10. Koba, 2006
East Meets Words, Cambridge, MA
If I remember correctly, Koba was the first rapper to do a feature set at this open mic series. And it was crazy because he actually rocked it! A bookstore!

More than that, it made me feel like – wait, we can do anything we want here?

9. Brown Star, 2009
East Meets Words, Cambridge, MA
What I like about these brothers is that they don’t come from a slam-influenced world – they both come from theater. Thus, they are not bound by the same theoretical limits many of us (I mean folks roughly my age I guess) impose on ourselves by accident. They had pieces that went like 10 or 15 minutes long, but the great thing about that was it never felt stagnant. No matter how long the pieces were, they were always moving, nothing was accidental or unplanned – it was all paced out perfectly.

Even more, I love seeing performers I haven’t seen before do amazing work. It makes me feel like spoken word is not dying.

8. Beau Sia, 2007
Boston University, Boston, MA
Beau is pretty much always great, but on this evening at BU he was more sharp than I had ever seen him. There was some college student performers that night who were at various levels of proficiency when it came to writing, but Beau took that all in and spit it back out with fire. He’s like a monster that swallows mediocre poetry and returns it as amazing isht.

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I was gonna try to come up with 10, but it’s too hard. My memory is mad spotty – plus I don’t really pay that much attention to commercials unless they’re dope. So top seven it is.

By the way, I don’t watch much TV except sports, so…uh…take that for what it’s worth.

7. Cog
Honda, 2003

What??

6. Pony
Ally Bank, 2009
This brown-haired girl gives awesome facial expressions – at :03 when she is overjoyed at getting a toy pony, and even more delicious is the glare as she cocks her head to side to let him know he needs to stop messing around.

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10. Musicology, Prince (2004)
Prince’s best album in more than 10 years. When he released this, all I could think was “music is back!” Then again, I probably would not have picked it up if they hadn’t been passing it out at his concerts. The big revelation was that he was ready to come back full force – for a long time he had been in an extended “see what I can do” phase, where it was like he was trying to come up with the least memorable music of his career. In the years after Musicology, he’s released a bunch of new music that has been at a similar high level.

9. Sam’s Town, The Killers (2006)
After I heard “When You Were Young” while playing Rock Band on the XBOX, I was really impressed with the songwriting, so I downloaded the Killers album, not knowing what their music sounded like. But the album was like whooosh! Maybe it’s because I actively avoided radio rock music since I accidentally heard Nickelback and was traumatized. The weird thing was, I read a lot of stuff online about how Sam’s Town was a big letdown after their first album, but for my money, this is the album that defines their sound. Their musical execution in the studio is phenomenal, the guitar solos are lyrical, and the songwriting from beginning to end is as poetic as can be. (I’m of the opinion that rock songs tend to have the worst lyrics of any genre.)

Anyway, I know I’m a nerd. So what.

8. Greatest Hits, Foundation Movement (2006)
I used to see these brothers like every other week, but I guess it’s normal that as you get older and stuff, you tend to lose touch with folks here and there. Regardless, there’s no way I could forget to put one of the finest hip hop acts to ever come out of Boston on my decade-end list. Speaking of Boston hip hop, Edo G guested on “Movement” with an inspired verse that makes me nostalgic even now three years later – and he’s just one of several high-profile collaborators on here. I think the fact that world famous cats were itching to jump on a track with FM reminds us that sometimes the best stuff in the world is being made right next door. Don’t stop checking for it.

7. Supreme Clientele, Ghostface Killah (2000)
This was released almost exactly ten years ago, but it still looms large in my memory. I think Ghost kinda defined the split that was gonna play itself out in hip hop music over the next several. The first song on the disc – the bugged out “Nutmeg” – was the first I can remember to force a listener to understand its concept primarily from elements other than its lyrics. Ghost had always done a little roundabout stuff in his songs, but it was consistent throughout this entire album, and he went on the show it would be consistent for the rest of his career, pitting him in sharp contrast to rappers like Plies or MIMS or the Ying Yang Twinz who made songs that had no real meaning at all.

Something about Ghost’s raps on this album reminds me of ziti.

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I don’t hear anybody talking about how the decade is coming to a close. When it was 1999, mad people were freaking out over the Y2K. But even in 1989, going into the 90s was a big deal. And I’m sure it was the same in 1979. But people aren’t tripping over 2009 becoming 2010. Is it because nobody knows what to call the decades? I heard people using ‘The Aughts’ – but I’m cool with ‘The Zeroes’ because, ther’es no confusion over it right?

OK, my top ten movies of the Zeroes.

10. Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
My wife and I thought this was a kids movie when we snuck in. I guess we are idiots because it is not at all apprpriate for children. But it is an amazing flick. Taking place after the Spanish Civil War, a girl escapes her fascist – in multiple ways – stepfather by imagining (?) a fantasy world in which she is actually a long lost princess who will eventually be reunited with her parents – king and queen of the underworld.

All children create alternate realities to some extent, and dwell in them for various amounts of time, depending on how emotionally healthy they are. This film is heartbreaking because Ofelia is forced to live most of her day in her fantasy world because the reality of her life is so rough. Her stepfather eventually kills her before he’s assassinated by rebels in bittersweet justice. And of course, the special effects are crazy ass.

9. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
After seeing this flick, I went to the bookstore to read the short story it’s based on and was shocked to finish it in about 15 minutes. To actually read the source material makes it all the more impressive that such well developed characters and such an emotionally-affecting story was built off a short story of about 30 pages. But most of all, the movie is made by Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger’s performances. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two characters in an American movie more convincingly in love.

8. My Sassy Girl (2001)
My favorite thing about this movie is that it is based on a true story. I know, right?

Of course Ji-hyun Jun (aka Gianna Jun?) is the undisputed star, but I feel Tae-hyun Cha actually holds his own. If you haven’t seen it, don’t watch it without your ride-or-die, because even though the premise – silly dude meets drunk girl on subway, she subsequently ruins his life as they fall in love – sounds kinda throwaway, it really helps remind a viewer what it means to be in love. Korean movies have a weird penchant for being mad deep even when they don’t seem it; it’s the han.

7. Synecdoche, New York (2008)
I don’t know if I’ll ever see another movie that does this to me. I can’t say I liked it in the traditional sense of liking stuff, but I loved how sad it made me. Does that sounds weird?

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A while back, my niece asked me “Is December gonn’ be the last month?” When I told her yes, she started to cry. I tried to comfort her and when I asked what was wrong, she responded; “I wanna live…”

Anyway, December usually comes and goes without me really really thinking of it as the end of the year. But since it is, over the next few days I’m gonna throw you some of my favorites from the past 12. Feel free to disagree

Song of the Year: “Exhibit C” by Jay Electronica

I’ll admit, I didn’t even realize Just Blaze could make a beat like this. I just thought he was a goofy dude who had a good ear for samples. Combine his sense of humor, his seemingly obsessive-compulsive nature, and his musical training as a drummer – I figured, no wonder his beats come out so hot. But I swear I didn’t realize he could make beats that could make you cry and isht. It’s like Just making a Dilla joint. Amazing. (I could live without him screaming on it though…)

But as great as the music is – it’s the verses that make the song. Good Lord, it’s just abstract enough to appeal to hip hop nerds, but just gutter enough to appeal to, uhh, other hip hop nerds. He makes references to MF Doom lyrics, Public Enemy lyrics, Run-DMC lyrics, and even Temptations lyrics. He checks 5 Percenter philosophy, streets in his native New Orleans, in Philly, in Detroit, baller rappers like Nas, Diddy, and Q-Tip, plus Nikola Tesla, and then implies he’s more real than any of the world’s religions. And he does this all in two verses without ever boring you or making you feel like he’s trying to make you think he’s smart.

The crazy thing to me is, when I first started hearing Jay Elec joints on the Internets, I was always like “what’s the big deal? This guy rhymes in robot slang.” I didn’t really see what appealed to people about him, but I get it now.

Damn I get it.

Favorite line: its quite amazing that you rhyme how you do/ and how you shine like you grew up in a shrine in Peru

I recently devoured Lac Su’s memoir I Love Yous Are for White People. And I kinda reviewed it at BPRLive.

I explain in my “review” – I’m not very qualified to review books, but whatever – a little why the title appealed to me so much, but to go a little deeper with it…

When I was younger, I think I put a lot of weight into that magical phrase. Why? I think because you’re expected to, here in America. But I never really felt it, I think I only thought I felt it.

In one way, I really love almost nobody. I can count on two hands the number of people who have ever lived I truly love or loved. That would be the members of my immediate family, some members of extended family, and my wife. I certainly care for and wish the best for many other people, but I can’t say with confidence that I love or ever loved those others.

In another way, I feel like I love almost everybody in the world – even, nah, especially the people I’ve never met. I have a sincere hope that all people in the world experience endless joy in healthy ways, and are able to avoid feeling sadness and anger and hate as much as possible. That’s a simplistic way to say my ideal world has no war and no exploitation or people, resources, and surroundings. My ideal world is the world where everyone has enough of what they need.

But I honestly recoil when people tell me they love me. Not because I’m mad at the emotion of love – but because saying the words “I love you” is shorthand. It’s played out. It’s both teams played hard. It has no meaning in real life. Relationships don’t get built on explicitly spoken pledges, no, it’s the opposite.

Anyway, this was the topic of a pretty well put-together blog post over at Stuff White People Do a while back. At the time, I left the following comment:

i am annoyed by the need for people to hear that they are loved from people close to them. this also – for whatever reason – sounds like a white thing to me.

the only person who i don’t mind hearing it from is my mother. i don’t even care to hear it from my wife, as i shouldn’t need her verbal confirmation for what’s already obvious. and then i actively dislike hearing it from other family members or friends – it makes me feel less close to person who says it.

in any language, we’ve loaded too much power into certain words, and “love” may be the worst of them. people say things like “i love to eat cheese!” or “i love star trek!” that it no longer means what we pretend it means – yet we still pretend it means love.

the actual concept of “love” is far too complex and large to be encapsulated or represented by any word or combination of words. so for me, using the phrase “i love you” is like showing a cell phone photo of the grand canyon or niagara falls to you…

i don’t, however, make judgment against people who freely use the phrase with each other – that means they’re into expressing themselves the same way. but i resent the phrase being thrust into my life by people who i don’t want to hear it from. it sounds cheap to me.

I feel I might have come across more harsh than I meant to there, but the gist is correct. I’m not big into the use of the word “love” because words can’t mean more than what they mean, and loving someone in real life is different from simply telling them so.

By the way, this is the point of poetry, where we try to get words to mean more than they mean.

Anyway, read the review at BPRLive, read the book, and holla back.

Last week was loaded with all kinds of bad things among people very close to me. Luckily, we’ve come out on the other side of it, and are miraculously relatively unscathed. So what better time than now to throw up some more movie reviews. Bang. Watch out for spoilers; that’s your only warning.

Superbad
I had thought this looked good when it first came out. You know how it can be for bro-mance films. Anyway, I never saw it because I was scared it would be racist. It’s weird, a lot of movies I want to see, I end up avoiding because I’m scared it’s going to be racist and make me really mad. This had all the makings of subtle racism: the nearly all-white cast, the juvenile humor, and the subpar acting. Lo and behold, I don’t remember there being anything very offensive. Hooray for you Superbad! Weird that all a Hollywood production needs to do for some kudos is to not be too racist.

Regardless, only one scene was laugh out loud funny to me – when dude is in the room and those older bros come in doing lines, then notice him in there. And they think he’s another guy who’s a really good singer, so Michael Cera starts singing. I fell out over how into it the other dudes got.

What you were expecting some film theory or something?

Pineapple Express
Surprise surprise kids, I don’t get high. So I was skeptical going into this movie because I was concerned it was going to be only jokes that are funny to stoned people. Un/Fortunately, I was wrong. The jokes were not funny to any people. The one character I thought was really good was the Danny Mcbride character Red. I liked how he used the phrase “bros before hoes” twice in the same movie, and both times it was totally wrong for the context.

I wish they had kind of gotten a little deeper into the fact that they constantly referred to the rival gang as “The Asians.” Only once did a character go, “what kind of Asian?” Like, so they were Korean, but for a movie that actually cast a bunch of Koreans to play Koreans, they may as well have acknowledged that they had done something right.

The Nine Lives of Marion Barry
Marion Barry has been a polarizing figure during my lifetime, but more recently, he’s been treated like a punchline. Here’s the truth: he was a community organizer from the streets, who rode the support of regular people in DC to the mayor’s office because he wanted the poor and underrepresented to have a say in their own city’s governance. The fact he’s been down so many times and continues to get up, is an inspiration for the people of DC.

But he’s a story because, as my friend Neel says, “he’s a really intelligent man with a ridiculous amount of character flaws.”

This documentary was great to me, but probably because I’m sympathetic to Barry’s plight. For those who hate him, this is probably not the movie for them.

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist
A little too precious and a little self-consciously hip, but overall I enjoyed it. Norah’s friend character was grating, but served her purpose for the plot. Aside from her, and the title characters, and possibly Nick’s two homies, the other characters were very poorly developed, and were pretty obviously there to be a part of Nick & Norah’s story. That’s kind of annoying if you allow it to be, but I chose not to.

But I’m kinda wondering when Michael Cera is gonna jump the shark.

X-Men
I saw X-Men 3 – totally awful – but never saw the first one until recently. I guess it was OK.

Definitely, Maybe
So does Ryan Reynolds act or simply exist? He is a delivery vehicle for the story and superior performances in this film, kind of like cupcakes for frosting.

Isla Fisher owns this movie. I’ve seen her in other flicks, but I didn’t know she was this good. I am now motivated to see every movie she’s done.

I am not averse to date movies or so-called chick flicks. This – even with Reynolds kind of moping his way through the whole thing – is pretty fun front to end. There are some inconsistencies in plot details but oh well, that was a small price to pay for the happy ending.

Something happened to my blog when I was vacation and I couldn’t update until today. That was more than a month kids, and many things happened I normally would have wrote about. I missed them, ah well, I guess that means movie reviews. Spoilers ahead.

Marley & Me
Terrible writing and even worse acting; even, and I don’t feel good about saying this, the child actors were awful. Aren’t there talented child actors? Did they cost too much? I tried to appreciate it just for the dog doing cute and/or funny things, but there’s isn’t even much of that in here. One of the few bright spots was Alan Arkin being awesome as usual. He can make any movie better; he, unfortunately, could not raise this movie beyond “irritating.”

Taken
Again with the casting here – why not find a talented teenager to play the 17 year-old daughter? Why a 25 year-old woman? Most adult actors playing teenagers just act like idiots; it comes across as inauthentic. I also think they blew too much money on Liam Neeson. He was great, but it seems like they had no money left over for special effects, any other good actors, or even a semi-famous singer to play the famous singer. It would have helped the story tremendously if it had been like Mandy Moore or even Kelly Clarkson his daughter was excited about instead of some invented pop star.

Liam Neeson’s character is badass though!

I’m Gonna Git U Sucka
I used to have this joint on VHS, which I recorded off like USA when I was 11. But of course it got thrown out with the trash some time ago, so I haven’t seen it in a while. That shit is as funny as I remembered, and I actually caught a few more jokes this time than when I was a kid. Best Wayans movie ever. Actually, I had forgotten about this movie; it’s gotta be a top 10 comedy for me.

The Invasion
Not really feeling this movie, because the virus wasn’t scary. There was something there behind the idea – but they didn’t take it anywhere special. The concept is that people are being infected with this alien virus that connects them all and mentally/emotionally makes all of the infected tied into a larger group consciousness. In a world where everyone is infected, theoretically there would be no violence – no war, no rape, no crime – because all people are one. The problem is that some people are immune to the virus – so those people have to be killed since they can’t get down with the rest of the infected.

So it could have been interesting if there had been more internal struggle of Nicole Kidman trying to save her immune son. Instead, it was just an action movie with less-than-stellar action. To top it all off, all the infected were cured at the end of the movie with no memory of what happened to them. What the hell was the point then?

I’m going on vacation this week. All the traveling I do has finally paid off! Me and wifey turned frequent flyer miles into two tickets to away from here.

I don’t think I’ll have Internets access, and even if I do, I doubt I’ll be using it much. So I’m leaving you with a couple joints that I can’t get enough of right now. (BTW, when I fall in love with a particular song, it’s usually already a couple years old…)

Wu Ooh – Rae, Ghost, and Meth with that old Wu chemistry. The beat is bananas. If this is what Cuban Linx 2 sounds like, then I’m already there.

Mr. Brightside – I was a latecomer to the Killers, but I think Brandon Flowers is the best American pop song writer in 10 years. their execution can sometimes be transcendent and sometimes super sloppy. But the songwriting is always top-notch.

Mother of All Funk Chords – I know this was hot a few months ago, but every few weeks I remember how dope it was and I go find it again. MAN, it’s so fun! I feel like I could watch/listen to this for hours at a time.

Everything off Stars & Stripes – I am not necessarily a big fan of mash-ups – but when they’re done out of love, then you can tell – and Adrian Champion def has respect for all the source material here.

And of course: Travellin Man by Mos and Honda. I can always relate to this joint, but now that all that time away from home has paid off in a vacation, I’m all about it!

movie reviews. i feel a drive to do this when it’s really busy at work. spoilers ahead.

the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford
this movie is phenomenal. it starts really slow, but by the end of the like 9 hours, i was so engrossed. brad pitt is AWESOME in this movie, but maybe more impressive – casey affleck carries this flick. it’s kinda shocking that this is a true story. i feel like pitt as james cast a shadow throughout, like hannibal lecter in silence of the lambs, don corleone in the godfather, or al capone in the untouchables.

three scenes stand out as flawless to me: the assassination scene could not have been better, the scene where jesse beats up that little kid, and the scene where robert ford is drunk listening to a guy sing a song about him, and he shoots his gun at the floor and goes, “i’m robert ford.” DAMN. american filmmaking at its finest.

wheels on meals
i saw this when i was in high school on VHS, and revisited it again while looking for the greatest movie fight scene of all time. (i know, my hobbies pwn your hobbies.) greatest fight scene of all time? definitely one of – the tranformation jackie goes thru to be able to win that fight is slick. actually this is a good jackie chan movie for people who don’t like jackie chan. it’s yuen biao’s show tho – he does the lovestruck thing really well, and is actually the goofy guy here and jackie gets to be the harder more asshole-like dude. i also like most things that sammo hung has directed.

the lookout
it’s good and joseph gordon-levitt was actually very good in this – the three male leads are all perfect for their roles. but one thing bothered me, and it’s pretty important. did isla fisher’s character know or not know the plan? because she seems to know until halfway through, then she seems not to have known. what happened?

“am i dead? i must be dead. nobody’s answering me.”
“you’re not dead.”
“oh thank god.”

school of rock
never saw this movie before. it was good, but i wish it rocked a little harder.

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a lot going on in the world now, and i’m desperately looking for ways to escape it from time to time. judge me if you want to.

my homies Kiwi and Prometheus Brown both throw movie reviews up on their blogs from time to time. but those are intelligent brothers…me not so much, so i’m doing abbreviated reviews of all the movies i’ve seen in about the past month.

mad spoilers below.

reign over me
remarkably uneven. some parts of this flick are mad compelling, and other parts just feel so pointless. its overall message – that we should all try to be as open and communicative with the people we love all the time because you never know what’s gonna happen – is worthwhile, but executed kinda poorly. don cheadle, who is good in just about everything, is just average here. the movie really hinges on adam sandler’s performance, and when he’s channeling the isolation of his character, the movie really works. but sandler is not known for his acting chops – a reputation not at all unfounded, so when he’s less than stellar, the film stumbles over itself. a good sign though: at no point did i think he was gonna start chasing a giant invisible penguin, so sandler was able to at least separate himself from the goofy bro image he nurtured in the beginning of his career.

you don’t mess with the zohan
to my grand surprise, this is actually the better sandler movie. i saw this maybe a day or two before the most recent violence broke out in Gaza – so my opinion of it was formed then. i assumed this flick was going to be like the most offensive movie i had ever seen – but it is actually a level-headed mainstream opinion on israeli-palestinian conflict. it is in no way – NO WAY – leftist or progressive or radical – BUT, it has a far better macro-analytical view than most american elected officials. i know. i didn’t expect it either.

much of the humor is juvenile, and the cameos by mariah carey and dave matthews are gratuitous and a little stinky, but john turturro proves once again that he may be better when he’s not trying very hard. and the scenes where the israelis and palestinians sit around on a manhattan corner snapping on their wardrobes and talking shit about each others’ moms didn’t feel like movie fantasy at all. and if you were to take a step back and see sandler representing israel, turturro representing palestine, dave matthews representing the american military, and the old rich white guy as the united states…you actually get a well-reasoned plea for peace and less invasive american foreign policy. really.

talk to me
this is how i prefer to see don cheadle. all swagger and unapologetic righteousness. i know parts of it are true to life, but parts are not. boston’s own kasi lemmons slipped in things here and there to make elements of it fit better as a movie – but i ain’t mad. if i were to describe the plot to you here, it would sound very much like some movie-making cliches, and it could have easily been, but the pace of the movie and the performances from the leads – chiwetel ejiofor and cheadle -and taraji henson as the main supporting character all held something beneath the surface that lesser actors would not have had. and cedric the entertainer: that’s how you do a cameo – just stay out of the way…

tropic thunder
…unless you’re tom cruise in tropic thunder, in which case you need to be as in the way as possible, because he was one of the few bright spots in this movie. because we already know tom cruise is weird, having him in a fatsuit and bald cap dancing to ludacris is just that much more better.

but what was wack about this movie was, well, it was supposedly lampooning how seriously actors and movies take themselves considering how much more hard real life is than the movie business. but there was no effort put into making that rough real world anything like the real world. how did they start out in vietnam, but ended up among a militia all speaking mandarin chinese? why is the only person in that camp who speaks english a little boy? where did he learn english if he’s been living with this militia? why can robert downey jr’s awful awful attempt at speaking chinese trick the militia into thinking he’s actually chinese? (as someone who speaks chinese very poorly, let me tell you, downey’s chinese sounds like he just read it off google translator and there was not a single person who ever read the lines aloud to him correctly.)

as is the norm in hollywood flicks, the asian characters are just a huge mishmash of conveniences. i would say stereotypes, but it’s not really that, so much as they only exist as plot devices, not characters. there’s no attempt to make anything about any of them consistent, which means you can never forget the asian characters are written by clueless hollywood types, which means you can never completely lose yourself in the moment and just enjoy it. so thumbs down.

first sunday
ice cube can only play dudes who are down on their luck and need to accomplish some task before the end of the flick. that’s all he’s ever done in movies if you don’t count doughboy. so even knowing that by the end of the movie, this situation was going to be resolved peaceably, i still laughed mad times! tracy morgan should be getting a lot more roles – i know he’s already the host of scare tactics. katt williams took a tiny piece of his stand-up routine and turned it into a hilarious side character. and then that dude who used to host comicview was in it. but the story was awful. and the way it ended made no sense, it was like a rodney dangerfield movie.

jane austen book club
emily blount’s character – was her name purty? – is in the running for the least appealing movie character of all time. every time she appeared, i wanted the other characters to throw coffee on her bag or something to get her to leave.

while the other characters were not necessarily interesting, they at least didn’t make me feel like tearing my tv out of the wall. but there’s still not anyone really likeable in this movie. what was with that young woman and the fetish for women of color? goes from the black writer woman to the asian doctor woman (thanks for busting those stereotypes yo!) like she thinks it’s hip to be ethnic. gross.

after seeing this movie, i jumped on the internets to join the flaming fun, as i was sure i’d find all these webforums about how awful that movie was. but to my abject horror, my fellow interets-goers seemed to mostly like this movie. i didn’t realize everyone else on the internets was a middle-aged midwestern housewife. if that sounds unnecessarily mean-spirited, that’s because even having to think back to the fact that i wasted 2 hours of my life on this movie makes me angry. on to something else…

iron man
being enough of a nerd to know robert downey jr. is a great choice to play tony stark, i expected a lot. i got less than i expected, but overall it’s an enjoyable flick. i wish they woulda pressed the anti-war message a little harder, but i thought updating to reflect recent world events was a smart move. caught the ghostface cameo in the dvd extras. why would you ever cut ghostface out of anything? he’s at least as good an actor as gwenyth paltrow.

hancock
like another recent will smith action flick, i am legend, this started out really strong and ended kinda eh. the plot unfolded nicely until that amazing left turn came about charlize theron’s character. how unexpected was that? i was thrilled!

but then it was like they just wanted to get the movie over with and everything seemed to unfold in like 20 minutes. in my head, i expected hancock to turn out to be a supervillain unbeknown to himself…which i still think would have been a better ending. it was not to be. but they left it open to do a sequel, and there is a strong enough backstory to make a second movie better than the first was.

college road trip
i don’t know if getting older has made me soft that i can’t dislike any movie anymore, but i thought this wasn’t as bad as you might think a martin lawrence-raven simone buddy road trip comedy might be. overall, i actually thought it was pretty good. the only thing that really bothered me was…what the hell was the deal with the pet pig? there was never a point at which his existence moved the story along at all. couldn’t they have done away with the pig entirely? the only explanation would be that they were hoping to do some merchandising after the movie, and nobody want a martin lawrence action figure, so they figured having a pig might help them make some cash.

the perfect holiday
charlie murphy as a rapper? and why would you cast katt williams in a movie just to not give him any funny lines? pass.

meet dave
people just want to hate on eddie murphy because he isn’t making movies like coming to america and beverly hills cop anymore – oh and turns out he’s a giant prick in real life.

so it is supposedly a comedy, but i don’t think i laughed even once. but overall, i can’t say i hated it or anything, because unlike tropic thunder and a lot of american movies, it did not offend me as a human being. it was slightly offensive to me as someone who wanted to laugh during a comedy. ssssso…as we’re grading on a curve – compared to most american flicks, it’s probably like a B+.

i know who killed me
fuck this movie.

made of honor
i’m all for seeing a mainstream romantic comedy from time to time. even one with patrick mcdempsey. even though i saw and hated enchanted (mad xenophobic, but that’s a topic for another post). i am not closed-minded about so-called “chick flicks.”

but when the love interest of the main character is a self-righteous asshole, then i lose interest. i find it despicable that she berated complete strangers for selling alligator skin, but wouldn’t say anything to her friend for eating shrimp, or even her fiance for killing deer and boars? you know, to make real change, you have to start with those around you. yelling on strangers don’t do any good. especially small businesspeople just trying to make a living. learn a lesson.

pretty woman
i don’t think i have ever seen this movie before. it pretty much was everything everyone says it was. i can see why julia roberts still has all this goodwill from moviegoers even tho she hasn’t done a good flick since this. i remember being in 5th grade and seeing commercials and thinking richard gere looked so old, but actually he looks good in this movie. good for him.

creepy to see george costanza as an attempted rapist. i would say a flaw was there was no attempt to bring about restorative justice for all the bad deeds done by characters in this movie, as tho we should just let everything slide because the girl and the guy find each other in the end. i know it’s fantasy and you’re not supposed to think that hard, but still…

the other boleyn girl
generally uninteresting, except for the fact that i remembered elements of it from european history class in high school…and i kinda got a geekthrill anytime something happened i kind of remembered. but what bothered me about it was how they would use phrases that sounded like modern-day slang in what is supposed to be like the 16th century. i have no idea if they used phrases like “you heard what i said” and “go on and tell yourself that” back in the day…but don’t they feel like anachronisms?

anyway, tune in next year when i review ferris beuller’s day off, chocolat, and a bunch of other movies that are no longer in theaters. peace.