Why I Love This: Jay-Z's "99 Problems"
For new readers (all 2 of you) and old readers (hi mom!), some background: I used to write about things I disliked in this space, and called it a series entitled “Sorry, You Suck” – but I’m switching the style. In my very last haterific edition of that series, I proclaimed ultimate suckage for myself and am now implementing a whole new M.O. here.
From now on, I’m gonna try talk about stuff I love. Solid.
Back in the day. Ice-T released a song called “99 Problems,” in which he talks about being a pimp and how 
various women in his employ – many referred to as “b-tch” – are not causing him problems. So the Jay-Z song of the same name uses a clever turn of phrase that is really not that clever after all, using each verse to refer to someone or something as a “b-tch,” but none of those times refers to a woman, instead it’s the music industry, a female police dog, and punk dudes. And while this does not represent a perfect upending of misogyny in our culture, it does indicate something.
On a meta level, it’s as though Jay is challenging the listener to hear the word “b-tch” and not assume its most sexist meaning; maybe it works, and maybe it doesn’t exactly work. Regardless, it can be seen as a response to the popular claim (made mostly by people who have never actually listened to hip hop) that rap music is all about b-tch this and b-tch that. Jay-Z was very aware of his standing as one of the few rappers mainstream America had heard of, so it was as though he wanted this song to be derided by cultural critics who would proclaim his sexism, only to be able to turn around and say I wasn’t talking about women; if you think that, maybe you’re the one with misogyny issues.
Clumsy as it may be, it’s an authentic attempt to stand up for hip hop culture by someone who was probably its best spokesman because he could speak the language of corporations and men in suits. (Check out his recent appearances on Letterman and Oprah if you don’t believe me.)
In addition, this track was produced by the one and only Rick Rubin, a producer who has worked with plenty of hip hop legends like LL Cool J, Run-DMC, and the Beastie Boys, but also with the most highly-regarded white folks in the industry like Johnny Cash, Tom Petty, Mick Jagger, and the Beastie Boys. In the documentary/concert film “Fade to Black,” we learned Jay recorded the whole joint in Rick Rubin’s West Coast mansion all surrounded by like bear statues and palm trees and Mike D of the Beastie Boys.
Rick samples Billy Squier for the beat, which is all hard rock guitars; Jay even slips into an impression of a racist law enforcement official. In many ways, Jay is trying to make this his most accessibly inaccessible song ever – with all the nods to being outside hip hop (white producer, heavy guitar chords, the artistic and abstract music video – which mainstream America does not associate with hip hop, btw, notice Rick Rubin is prominently featured in it) while being extremely hip hop (the SWAGGER, the calling out of foes, the inventive use of foul language).
This meta-level appreciation of the song gets more ill the more you dig. But I”m not stopping there: the verses are worth noting as well.
Now I’m gonna skip really addressing the third verse, because in all honesty, I feel it’s kinda weak. As much as I love this song, I thing that last verse coulda been a lot better. There are some nice lines in there (half-a-mil for bail cuz I’m African comes to mind), but overall I’m not really moved to talk about it.
Moving on to verse two. For many years, this was hands-down my favorite verse of the song, and one of my favorite verses from Jay’s entire career. It combines three great Jigga strengths: storytelling, smart-assery, and the ability to concoct rhymes no other rapper could think of. The fourth Jay-Z trait that is also present is a tendency to reference and revere other rappers lyrically; not only is Ice-T’s presence felt throughout the song, but he uses a Bun B line on here as well.
But more than anything, I just love how Jay plays two characters – the fictional version of Jay-Z who has been pulled over by a racist white cop somewhere in the South – who are both extremely passive aggressive to each other. To wit:
Son, do you know what I’m stopping you for?
Cuz I”m young and I’m black and my hat’s real low, do I look like a min-reader sir, I don’t know…am I under arrest? Or should I guess some more?
Well you was doing 55 in a 54…
Uh-huh…
License and registration and step out of the car. Are you carrying a weapon you? I know a lot of you are.
Oooooowee…this could go on for days. although it only goes on for the rest of the verse. I love how the cop addresses him as “son,” and Jay comes back with “sir.” And the standout turn of phrase to me is when the police throws ina sarcastic “Well, aren’t you sharp as a tack?”
And while the second verse is brilliant. I’ve recently become a bigger fan of the first. Break it down a little here, jumping right into the third line:
Rap critics they say he’s “Money Cash Hoes” / I’m from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those? / If you grew up with holes in your zapatos / You’d be celebrating the minute you was havin’ dough
He had a song with DMX called “Money Cash Hoes,” which was kinda as wack as it sounds. That was during the most blatantly commercial phase of his career. And right away in this song, he addresses this anti-woman anthem from earlier in his career, and offers an explanation: I grew up poor, who wouldn’t behave questionably to get rich? Then he gets indignant:
I’m like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole / If you don’t like my lyrics you can press fast forward
There was a lot of noise about Jay-Z messing up hip hop. He was too commercial, he strayed from that golden era sound, he wasn’t making positive music, etc. But he makes a valid point that there was plenty of other artists to listen to. Enough people loved him to make him the biggest name in music at one point – if you really can’t stand him, get unfamiliar…
Got beef with radio if I don’t play they show / They don’t play my hits, I don’t give a shit. So?
I love when Jay is a smartass. I think it’s the most appealing of all his personae.
Rap mags try and use my black ass / So advertisers can give ‘em more cash for ads, fuckers!
Here he calls out the industry that he has played a huge role in helping to support – but they offer very little support back.
I don’t know what you take me as / Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
So here he lets it out. He knows the industry has been trying to game him. And finally he’s letting it be known he’s not playing along.
I went from rags to riches ni–s, I ain’t dumb
Indeed.
This song is popular – and on the most surface level, it still kills. But when I let myself think about it, I really can’t get over how well-constructed it is. He’s definitely thought beyond the actual song into how it would be received, as well as how it would fit in context with whole field of hip hop music of the day and of the past.
Tags: music