Sorry Michael Phelps, You Suck
Yeah yeah so he won like 8 gold medals at the Summer Olympics and we were supposed to love him and everything. People started throwing around phrases like “Greatest Olympian in History” and “Greatest Athlete of All Time” and it all kind of seemed to fit because he did something nobody had ever done before. EVAR!
But what was aggravating about it to me was how he competed in 8 events and won them all and got the accolades from the press, but I didn’t hear the press saying that swimming is the only sport you can win that many medals. USA Men’s Basketball played 8 games as well, and won every single one of them, yet in the end, players received ONE gold medal apiece.
And so even though it was kind of exciting that he was so dominant in a sport I’d never cared about before, my initial Phelps fandom disappeared about 5 seconds into the first interview I saw him do on TV. The words he “says” seem to fall out of his mouth like chewed food, making him annoying to both hear and see. But worse than that was how he presented himself, like the adulation was long overdue. He had a huge chip on his shoulder, which probably stemmed from the fact that he’s been a douche his whole life and nobody has ever wanted to be his friend.
Am I making an unfair assumption? I doubt it. How many times have you done something you wouldn’t want the world to know about? And don’t people always have cameras around? But isn’t it fairly rare that you or your friends have truly damaging pictures plastered all over the Internets? For someone who has as much to lose as Phelps to have one of his “friends” straight sell him out like that, he must be an insufferable prick.
While I don’t get down with smoking, it’s not so much the smoking that bothers me. It’s the attitude that he can do whatever he wants because people love him. But the thing is, nobody loves you anymore Michael. Your body is shaped weird, you house loose marbles under your tongue, and most of all, you act like a dbag. Who wears their hat backwards? Were those the 2008 Olympics or was that 1988?
We all know elite athletes often have stank attitudes, but most of them don’t flaunt it so bad. Those who do at least usually make it entertaining. (Chad Johnson comes to mind.) And many athletes – in particular Olympic athletes – turn their celebrity into something positive for the world.
DBag Phelps has done exactly nothing good for humanity. So someone remind me why we care about him at all?
I’ll admit if he was a more likable guy in interviews, I would probably have no strong feelings about this newly released photo. But I’ve been sick of him since about medal number 3; this is just an excuse to snap on him.
Combine the new picture with the 2004 DUI on his record, and we have the makings of a real great role model don’t we?